Okay, so why don't we let our actions and talents speak for themselves and keep the use of our mouthpieces to a minimum. Like for instance, if you say you're a fashionista, you're probably not. If you say you're a good kisser, you probably wish you were. Like seriously, how would you know? Have you ever kissed yourself? The times in which phrases and declarations such as these should be used are in an interview. Because the time allotted for the interviewer to get to know you is far too limited for your precious idiosyncrasies and special talents to be discovered. Unless you work in fashion industry, in which case your fashion would scrutinized upon your arrival- so any declaration of fashionitsa qualities wouldn't even be up to you; or in the porn industry, where your kissing skills might be tested, as sleeping with the interviewer would be a part of the interview process. Otherwise, I don't want to hear how good your cookies are or how much you think you're being subversive with your stupid hipster glasses and that Diane Von Furstenberg Dress.
Your cookies are dry and you look a mess. Leave me alone. There are more pertinent matters at hand than you trying to convince me, and yourself, of all the things you want to be but don't have the creativity or self-esteem to embody. Besides, most of the allegations folks make about themselves are usually based on some insignificant per chance occurrence that was probably due to a rip in the time-space continuum.
Look, I know it may seem kinda jerky of me to impose upon you in this manner, but I'm just saying: get off your jock. The coolest people are usually the humblest and that's not a coincidence. Think about all of the people that annoy you. Why do they get on your nerves? Because they're stupid or because they're full of themselves. So why would you be that for someone else? It's not nice. It's not right. It might get you back-handed. Stop it. Now. Until next time…
-Charlie